


After Fall

by takeaflower



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Idol, M/M, Slow Burn, and ryeonggu, hangeng is still with my suju bbys, no sm either, only for kyu and masi, ot15, they all under label sj, will prob not be following actual chronological order of comebacks, yesung eunhae and hanchul are idols
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-09-26 02:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17133464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeaflower/pseuds/takeaflower
Summary: If Kyuhyun was being honest, becoming a fansite master for Yesung was one of the best decisions he had ever made. Between being in a prestigious university and having little to no social life, being one of the most well-known Yesung fansites was the most interesting thing Kyuhyun got up to. Being noticed by Yesung wasn't a possibility Kyuhyun had ever considered, until it actually happened.





	1. A Special Day For Kyu

**Author's Note:**

> Whoop finally!  
> This is my first SuJu fic and I'm so excited about this fic. I hope everyone who's been looking forward to this fic will enjoy it  
> (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ I've always wanted to write a fansite fic and I was inspired by [honey tea](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12297423?view_full_work=true) and [lights, camera, action!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13144470?view_full_work=true) , two fansite fics which are amazing and if you haven't read, please spare some time to read.
> 
> Also, since this is going up on Christmas Eve in Singapore, Merry Christmas to everyone!!
> 
> Shoutout to my unnie, Alette, for always being a listening ear and being one of my closest friends (I hope you like it unnie!) Also, thank you to my Jiejie, Aly, for being another of my closest friends and for making my days better (Jiejie hope you enjoy it!). And also thanks to Rachel, you a tru fam, who helped me name this story and is just a good bean as a whole. Lastly, thanks to everyone on twitter who participated in my survey for naming Kyuhyun's fansite, you guys saved me^^
> 
> So, I hope you like this story and feel free to ask me anyth on tumblr (@hvnv27), twitter (@onejongwoon) or my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/onejongwoon)
> 
> EDIT (as of 25 Dec 2018): thanks to rachel (love ya you smol bean), I changed Kyu's box to a dry cabinet. I honestly don't know much about cameras so I didn't know about ways to store them. Changed it because Kyuhyun is definitely going to take care of his lenses and cameras.

**큐운꒰•ᴗ•꒱** @kyuwoon0824  
previews will be up tmr!  
**1.5k retweets, 5k likes**

Kyuhyun tweeted expertly with one hand, long fingers quickly tapping, while leaving the concert venue. He bowed politely to fellow clouds and Yesung fansites, attempting to avoid conversations and leave the venue peacefully. He never was good with interaction and would really rather not deal with the traffic jam that would occur due to the large number of fans leaving the venue. He took large strides with his camera still around his neck, dodging clouds who were taking photos in front of the venue, lens and lightstick safely in his bag. To be honest, he still couldn’t understand why he always brought his lightstick when he’d spend almost the whole concert taking photos, in which his hands were glued to a camera. Thankfully, he never takes photos for every single day of Yesung’s concert. Despite being a fansite, he was a cloud first and almost always reserved a day just to enjoy the concert, hold his lightstick and not worry about lighting or adjusting the focus. For this concert, he had taken photos for Day 1 and Day 3, today, and enjoyed the concert as a fan on the second day. Even after 4 years of being one of Yesung’s biggest fansites, he never forgot. It had become a habit. He’d always bring his lightstick to every day of the concert, whether he was there as kyuwoon, a famous Yesung fansite, or Cho Kyuhyun, a regular cloud. Besides, it seems he took better photos with it in his bag anyway. 

He sighed in relief once he reached the entrance of the car park, grinning once he saw Siwon fiddling with his phone while leaning against his car. At least, Kyuhyun could immediately leave the venue. “Ah! Kyu-ya!” Siwon’s loud voice echoed through the, thankfully, still empty car park. Kyuhyun hurriedly shushed him, over his black mask with kyuwoon’s logo – a handrawn cloud with kyuwoon’s signature happy face •ᴗ• in it - beautifully embroidered in sky blue thread onto its front courtesy of his sister. “Shut up, why on earth is your voice so loud?” Kyuhyun grumbled before quickly sliding into the passenger’s seat. “Oops sorry,” Siwon said as he slid into the driver’s seat, “Did you get any good ones today?” Kyuhyun gently took off his mask, gingerly folded it and put it in his bag. “Quite a few but I didn’t get any during the ment because I was laughing too hard. He talked about the album filming and something about Jongjin accidentally pouring soya sauce into his cup instead of cola. Apparently, Jongjin threw up after,” Kyuhyun chuckled as he pulled the seat belt over his body. Siwon cackled back, “Damn, do crazy things happen to all Label SJ artists? Like Eunhyuk had said at the last concert that he almost died when they went to Mokpo for VCR filming because Donghae was such a bad driver.” They both laugh loudly before Siwon calms himself down and drives them back to their apartment. 

If there was anyone who understood Kyuhyun, it was Choi Siwon. He’d first met Siwon in high school. He was always gossiped about, from the first day, so even before Kyuhyun had met him, he had already known quite a bit about him. The basic information everyone knew was that Siwon is the oldest son of his family and his family is very well-off, so well-off that even Kyuhyun was surprised. He’d heard of Siwon’s father and was vaguely aware of the businesses he ran but didn’t care too much about it. The only reason he really had started to get to know Siwon was when their teacher had made Siwon his table mate. Only then did they find out they had so much in common. At the time, Yesung was a trainee, a very well-known trainee but a trainee nonetheless. Siwon had called him insane for having a fansite for an idol who hadn't debut but thankfully, since he started appeared at Heechul's concerts and videos on Label SJ's youtube channel as Heechul's 'close dongsaeng', Kyuhyun had many opportunities to take photos of Yesung. 

Siwon was one of the only people, besides his sister, who he fanboy-ed openly in front of. The main reason was because, Siwon was a fellow fansite master. However, not for Yesung. He was the fansite master for Donghae and Eunhyuk from D&E. Not just any fansite but the one of the most popular fansites, ‘eunmalhae!’, which earned Kyuhyun’s awe at how Siwon managed to make a clever pun of his nickname, Ma-si, meaning horse-siwon because he literally had a horse face (a handsome horse face, but still a horse face), and Eunhyuk’s and Donghae’s name. Kyuhyun could only wallow in his own embarrassment because he had no creativity whatsoever and just combined his name with Yesung’s. Having Siwon as his roommate and best friend allowed for the two to communicate regularly about schedules and organise joint giveaways or group orders for photobooks, which lessened the burden on both. All in all, it was a comfortable arrangement which they both benefited from. 

They drove in a comfortable silence as Kyuhyun flipped through the photos, checking the quality even before he posts the previews. It was a common occurrence, especially after events or concerts. Sometimes it would be Siwon driving and Kyuhyun sorting his photos and sometimes, it would be Kyuhyun driving and Siwon sorting out photos. It was after-event-tradition at this point. Kyuhyun furrowed his brow in annoyance at the few photos which were out of focus or blurry. It might be a bit OCD but he really couldn’t take it when there were imperfections in his photos. Sometimes, from 100+ photos, he would narrow them down to around 10, give or take. However, that was what kyuwoon was known for, the highest quality photos which were tastefully edited. International clouds also enjoyed the fact that he never white-washed Yesung and sometimes provided translations when could. He usually did translations from Korean to Japanese, and vice-versa, and sometimes, Korean to English. Sadly, his ability to speak English was very limited so he rarely did so. Kyuhyun sighed and did a mental count of how many good ones he had. “Okay! We’re here!” Siwon grinned as he parked the car. Kyuhyun snapped out of what Siwon called ‘fansite mode’ and unbuckled his seatbelt and left the car. 

Kyuhyun cradled his camera carefully and waited for Siwon to key in the passcode to their apartment. Siwon entered and slipped off his slippers, carefully inching by Kyuhyun to make sure he didn’t knock into his camera. Kyuhyun followed suit, gingerly placing his camera on the table near to their door, which had been built for this very purpose. The hours spent figuring out how to build that stupid table had been worth it. He then carelessly slipped off his shoes and neatly placed his shoes on the shoe rack. He looked up only to sigh loudly. Where the hell had Siwon disappeared to? “Siwon-ah! Where are you?” “I’m washing dishes!” He looked at the small whiteboard and noticed that it was Siwon’s week to wash dishes and do chores. Kyuhyun scooped up his camera and strode to his room. “I’ll be in my room!” 

He faintly heard Siwon acknowledge him before closing his door. He started up his computer, instinctively, and carefully kept his camera and his various lenses inside the dry cabinet beside his bed. Finally alone, he immersed himself in the memories of what had occured at the concert. Slipping the jacket off his shoulders, he smiled to himself. Yesung had found his camera lens, as usual, but instead of his usual ‘ok!’ sign, he had made a finger heart while he was rapping during ‘Confession’. He had stood in front of Kyuhyun’s lens for longer than usual, allowing Kyuhyun to take multiple shots and to make sure the focus was just right. He felt his cheeks burn up, happy that he was recognised by his crush. He knew it wasn’t healthy. Knew that having a crush on a celebrity was just setting himself for rejection but Kyuhyun couldn’t help himself. How could he not have a crush on Yesung when he had never showed disgust to have male fans, much less a male fansite? How could he not when Yesung often took care of fans and his family? How could he not when Yesung was such an amazing person and noticed him regularly? He sighed and touched his cheeks, feeling the familiar warmth. He was a mess. 

Kyuhyun shook himself back to his senses and transferred all his photos onto his cloud. He didn’t have class or work tomorrow so he could take his time to pick and edit the photos. Kyuhyun got up from his seat and took out his lightstick from his bag. Pulling the batteries out, he placed the cloud-shaped lightstick onto its stand in his shelf, or what his sister liked to call his ‘Yesung Shrine’. Yesung’s albums filled the shelves, Korean albums, Japanese albums, variety dvds and concert dvds, all in chronological order. Concert merch also had its own shelf. Fansite books also were in the shrine, notebooks and planners which contained photos taken by Kyuhyun. His family, luckily, understood him and didn't mind his side hobby as long as Kyuhyun continued to work hard in school. His sister would sometimes even help him with updating kyuwoon's twitter whenever Kyuhyun couldn't or deal with group orders for his photobooks. A familiar vibration resounded and Kyuhyun fished the phone out of his jeans pocket. He let out a soft chuckle once he saw the notification. Speak of the devil. 

**Cho Ara:**  
how was the concert?  
did Yesung notice you again?

**Cho Kyuhyun:**  
did u rly just ask that?  
its yesung obv  
wtf ddi u expect  
it was amazing  
he diiiiid  
he gave me a heart

**Cho Ara:**  
eiiiiii  
dont bullshit 

**Cho Kyuhyun:**  
check my twt tmr

**Cho Ara:**  
wtv u say kyu  
wtv u say ¯\\_( ◉ 3 ◉ )_/¯

**Cho Kyuhyun:**  
Noted with thanks :)

**Cho Ara:**  
fk off u brat

He laughed knowing how triggered his sister would be. Plugging in his earphones, he played his Yesung playlist on youtube, hissing a curse whenever there was an ad. He still sat through them, wanting to stream all the MVs. He continued to transfer photos and started to take preview photos, not even sparing a glance at the time. “Kyu! Come out! I ordered chicken and ddeokbokki!” Siwons loud voice echoed through the closed door. Startled, Kyuhyun had thrown his earphones down before his stomach had growled. Right, he hasn’t eaten yet. Pushing open his door, he gasped when Siwon tackled him into a tight hug. 

“SURPRISE!” Kyuhyun gasped and his eyes widened once Siwon released him. Turning to the coffee table in the center of the living room, his jaw almost unhinged. Siwon didn’t just buy chicken and ddeokbokki. He apparently had ordered from every delivery service in their district. Plates of kimbap, seaweed soup, ddeokbokki, kimchi and chicken, of multiple kinds, cluttered the table. But what really made Kyuhyun shocked was the cake in the center. It had the words ‘Happy 22rd Birthday Kyuhyun!!’ written in blue cream right smack in the center. He looked at the wall clock hung over their tv and was surprised to see that it was midnight. “Well, the only thing I cooked was the seaweed soup, so I hope it’s edible,” Siwon had said, sheepishly. His heart filled with fondness at the thought of all the preparation Siwon had done. 

As soon as Kyuhyun blew the candles out, Siwon moved the cake into the fridge, knowing full well that they’d probably eat it for breakfast tomorrow. Kyuhyun licked his lips and immediately dug in once Siwon plopped down next to him. “Now, I didn’t know what to get you because you’re such a picky ass,” Siwon started as Kyuhyun rolled his eyes as he munched on a piece of chicken, held between his chopsticks, “So, I got you a small gift.” Kyuhyun put his half-eaten chicken on his plate and gulped down his water before saying, “At least I'm not as picky as Donghee and the best gift you’ve ever given me is the fact that you’re paying 60% of the rent when I clearly told you I could afford it.” He smiled widely when Siwon laughed heartily before smacking him and calling him an ‘ungrateful brat’. “At least I’m not the one who has a part-time job trying to pay for fansite expenses.” “Ya, Choi Siwon! Camera equipment is expensive, ok?” Siwon good-naturedly rolled his eyes and smiled, “Sure, kyu-ya. Alright, gimme a sec.” 

Kyuhyun tilted his head, confused, once Siwon walked to the kitchen. Did he order more food? Hope not, because Kyuhyun really didn’t have time to hit the gym right now. “Close your eyes!” Siwon yelled, rather unnecessarily in english, from the kitchen. “Are you kidding me?” Kyuhyun muttered as he rolled his eyes. He still closed them because while Siwon was probably the most extra person on earth, he was still his best friend. _Clink!_ Kyuhyun instinctively opened his eyes once the familiar, clear sound of glass being put on the table rang out. His mouth widened in a wide ‘O’. Two wine glasses had been placed on the coffee table and an expensive bottle of wine was cradled in Siwon’s arms. “Happy Birthday Cho-drunkard!” “What the fuck? How much money is pouring out of your ass?” Kyuhyun gasped, his brain malfunctioning at the mere thought of how much money Siwon spent. Siwon just shook his head and smiled widely, “Don’t worry, it wasn’t too expensive. Come, let’s drink.” 

With wine glasses in hand, they both continued to eat while chatting about the mundane happenings in their lives. Kyuhyun’s lips curled into a smile. It had been ages since he and Siwon had the time to just relax and talk about their lives, not school or their fansite activities, and it made warmth bloom in his chest. Siwon leaned back into the sofa and took out his phone from his back pocket. “Kyu, you should really check your twitter. People are wishing you,” Siwon grinned. “Already? I mean it’s only been an hour,” Kyuhyun gasped before taking out his handphone. He opened his twitter and his grin widened, seeing so many well wishes. ‘Happy Birthday Kyuwoon-nim! Clouds are always grateful for you~’, ‘Always be healthy Kyuwoon-nim!’ and ‘Hope you have a very happy birthday, masternim!’ were the most common wishes and Kyuhyun felt his heart swell at the mere thought of how many people,fellow clouds and other fansites, were wishing him. He never knew that having a fansite would affect so many others. In his mind, he was simply doing what he loved, supporting Yesung and giving him love through his photos. But to many others, he was giving them opportunities to enjoy concerts and events through photos and fancams. He always was thankful how much clouds were willing to support his fansite and always appreciate him for his contributions. 

“Don’t cry on me right now, I just bought this shirt,” Siwon joked, which earned a hefty slap on the back from Kyuhyun. “I was just kidding! Be emotional if you want, I won’t judge. I understand though. Who knew being a fansite master would benefit others so much?” Siwon reminisced, causing Kyuhyun’s eyes to water. He quickly blinked his tears away, before continuing to like every birthday wish he saw. His smile only widened and sometimes he even burst out laughing at how witty and smart some clouds were. He took in a deep breath, not wanting to cry and be unable to at least thank all of them for spending time to wish him. 

**큐운꒰•ᴗ•꒱** @kyuwoon0824  
thank you everyone for the well wishes ㅠㅠ tbh i dont think I deserve this much love but for everyone i’ll continue to work hard (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡  
**1.0k retweets, 4.5k likes**

Kyuhyun checked the tweet before smiling and shutting off his phone. Hopefully they knew he was genuine and not tweeting just because he had to. Suddenly, Siwon let out a manly shriek and Kyuhyun flinched so hard, he dropped his phone. Kyuhyun turned to him, concerned, that Siwon actually managed to make a shriek sound manly and that Siwon shrieked out of nowhere. “What? Are you ok?” Kyuhyun asked, extremely worried because Siwon was looking at his phone in great shock. “He noticed you!” Siwon looked at him, eyes twinkling in a mixture of awe, shock and surprise. “Who?” Siwon began to gesticulate wildly and mumble incoherently before sighing, “Go to Yesung’s twitter, you dumbass.” Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, thinking maybe that Yesung had retweeted or liked his recent tweet, only for his eyes to widen. His mouth began to open and close like a goldfish. “Wha-what the fuck, Siwon? This is a joke, what the fuck?” he stuttered, extremely astonished. “It isn’t you idiot, it really isn’t. But damn, to be noticed at,” Siwon checked his watch, “1..1.45am in the morning by your idol is an actual dream.” 

Kyuhyun tried blinking but the post didn’t go away. It was there. It was still there. It wasn’t a dream. Yesung had reposted one of his photos from a recent event (he was sure because there was his watermark) with the cake, cloud and blue heart emoji in the caption. All Kyuhyun could do was gape wordlessly, his brain running at a million kilometres a minute. What the fuck? Did he save his country in his past life? This had never happened before throughout the 4 years of his fansite career. The closest he got to getting noticed on twitter was Yesung retweeting or liking, sometimes both, his photos, and suddenly, Yesung is reposting them and wishing him happy birthday. It couldn’t be a mistake, it definitely is his photo and he put a cake emoji, so he definitely knew it was his birthday. Also, how did he even know it was Kyuhyun’s birthday? 

“Stop overthinking. Stop using that unfairly smart brain of yours,” Siwon hummed. Kyuhyun began to stutter, a million questions swirling throughout his head. He was so shocked that his brain started to malfunction. He took a deep breath, attempting to bring some order to the mental chaos that was currently occurring. Once he deemed he was coherent, he looked at Siwon. “First of all, how the hell does he know it’s my birthday? And second, why the hell isn’t he asleep? And then he tells us not to worry,” Kyuhyun muttered under his breath before sighing. Kyuhyun began to stare into space, attempting to ignore the conflicting emotions in his heart. “Maybe he saw all the other clouds wishing you and wished you as well?” Kyuhyun had honestly considered it but there was only one issue, he’d never noticed any other fansites, so why him? “That’s true,” Siwon sighed. Suddenly, Siwon brightened and had ‘that’ glint in his eyes. Kyuhyun gulped at the mere sight of the familiar twinkle. Those eyes spelt trouble and Kyuhyun knew to be wary whenever he had that glint in his eyes. 

“Maaaaaaybeeee…” Kyuhyun waited with bated breath, the food in front of them forgotten, “your crush is reciprocated?” Kyuhyun grabbed one of the pillows on the sofa and flung it at Siwon. “Ya! I thought you were being serious!" he whined. Siwon cackled before setting down his glass and shoving more ddeokbokki into his mouth. “You never know, Kyu.” “Please, I’m not delusional,” Kyuhyun said, rolling his eyes. Kyuhyun had understood that to even be recognised by an idol was a rarity, much less being liked back by one. He had known from the start that having a crush on Yesung wouldn’t be good for his heart and that he was just setting himself up for rejection, but he couldn’t help himself. He had tried everything. He even had gotten a boyfriend during his last year of high school to try and get over the way his heart would do somersaults at a mere selca or the way his heart would flutter whenever he listened to Yesung sing. Needless to say, it didn’t end well. 

His boyfriend was an amazing guy, Shim Changmin, kind and sweet, basically anyone’s ideal guy. However, Kyuhyun had realised that he just couldn’t spare time for Changmin because Yesung was always his main priority. He’d reject dates just so he could stream Yesung’s music or attend events. Kyuhyun had always felt guilty for it and after 2 months, the guilt was swallowing him whole. So, he had come to a decision, to be fair to Changmin, and had told him everything, how he was a fansite master, how he liked him but loved Yesung a lot more and how he was sorry about how he always prioritised his fansite activities over him. Kyuhyun honestly expected to be cursed at, mocked, or for Changmin to leave but Changmin, being the sweetheart he is, just laughed brightly. 

“I had a feeling there was something you were hiding from me, with how you always gave excuses whenever I asked you out on dates,” he smiled at Kyuhyun’s guilty expression, “but I’m not mad at all. I kinda had the feeling you weren’t ready for a relationship, and that’s fine. I’m honestly just happy you told me.” Kyuhyun couldn’t hold back the guilt rising in his chest. What did he do to deserve someone as understanding as Changmin? “We can still be friends, right? Because you’re like the only friend I have who plays Starcraft frequently,” Changmin had grinned. Way too confused that Changmin didn’t hate him or wanted to just cut ties, Kyuhyun just gaped like a fish. It was as if Changmin was some complicated mathematical equation that Kyuhyun would need to expand to solve. Shaking himself, physically and mentally, he managed to come back to his senses and his lips curled into a relieved grin. “Yeah, I’d like that.” 

“Stop smiling like that, Kyu, You’re worrying me,” Siwon pleaded. Kyuhyun snapped to his senses, realising he had a small smile plastered on his face. He couldn’t help himself. To think Changmin was now one of his closest friends, second to only Siwon. “We’re you being a sap and thinking about Yesung again?” Siwon teased. Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, for what felt like the millionth time that day. “I don’t only think of Yesung, mind you.” “But you have to admit you spend at least 90% of your time thinking about him,” Siwon sassed back, making his signature disgusting, greasy expression, which made Kyuhyun want to throw a pillow at his smug face. 

But, to be fair, it wasn’t entirely untrue. He’d spend hours just listening to Yesung croon into his ear, whenever he was cleaning tables at the pc bang he worked at, when he was doing school work or writing his essays or when he was just staring outside the window on the bus or train. He’d always adjust his schedule to Yesung’s, only going out with his friends when he knew that Yesung had no promotions. He’d spend hundreds of dollars buying Yesung albums and hours sitting at the Label SJ café just opening all the albums during comeback period. The smile started to creep up onto his face again. Just thinking of Yesung was making his heart swell. To think he was noticed by him on his birthday. It was the greatest gift he could ever receive and he just couldn’t keep the smile off his face. 

“You’re doing it again.” And this time, Kyuhyun flung the first cushion he grabbed from their sofa which satisfyingly hit Siwon square in the face. 


	2. Finally Growing Some Balls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is so late *bows* Not very happy with this chapter ㅠㅠ  
> Few things to note, smol bean helped me out so much with this whole chapter and I'm so thankful (love ya rachel). Alette unnie helped to name some of the fansites and is an amazing friend who I trust with my whole heart. (love you unniee) Pls go read her fics as well ^^ 
> 
> Ok, so just a heads-up, when a chapter is in Yesung's POV, he refers to himself as Jongwoon (i just rly like his real name HAHA) and when a chp is in Kyuhyun's POV, he refers to Jongwoon as Yesung. Also, Yesung and Hangeng debuted in 2005 while Heechul debuted in 2004. So, taking Yesung's 4 year aft debut in account, its only 2009 HAHA I just wanted to clear up time frame since it may or may not play a bigger role in the end ?? 
> 
> Last not least, pls stream Ryeonggu's I'm not over you and Drunk in the morning. Also pls listen to Carpet by Yesung and Bumkey :)

“Go back home safely, everyone. It’s still cold outside so make sure to dress warmly,” Jongwoon smiled, waving to the audience before going off stage. Just like every other concert, he always left the stage with a tired yet bright smile. As soon as he took off his mic and blazer, he took out his makeup wipes and began to remove all the make-up on his face. Usually, he’d only do this once he reached home and was sure that there wouldn’t be any fansites taking photos of him but today, Heechul had come to his concert and had invited Jongwoon to eat and stay over at his place. His hyung was adamant about treating him to a good home-cooked meal after Jongwoon’s concert since Jongwoon had done the same during Heechul’s solo concert a couple months back.

Jongwoon grinned widely at the thought of the food he was about to eat as he gently wiped the make-up wipe over his cheeks and eyes, removing all the make-up Hyoeun had put on his face. He really didn’t mind make-up but he hated how sometimes makeup remover could get into his eyes if he didn’t close his eyes properly or how sometimes when Hyoeun chose to use eyeshadows with glitter, there would be stray flecks of shimmer on his face. This was an issue because Hyoeun loved ‘enhancing his eye-shape’ as she liked to say so she almost always did heavy eye make-up on him which was a pain in the ass to remove. 

“Hyung, I don’t have to drive you home today, right? Can I go home first?” his manager’s voice asked from the chair beside him. Jongwoon inwardly cringed, feeling guilty that he forgot, “Of course, Changju. Sorry about that. Go and rest at home.” “Alright, hyung. Bye and have fun with Heechul hyung.” Jongwoon waved at him from the mirror before frowning. It was still upsetting to him that there was still an air of awkwardness between Changju and him. Changju was his new manager after his old one, who he still went out for drinks with every so often, had been transferred to one of the rookie idols in his company. As he continued to remove his make-up, he hummed under his breath. Out of nowhere, the door was flung open and he flinched. Shit. He didn’t think he’d be that early.

“Ya, Yessex!” his hyung’s voice echoed throughout the almost empty room. “Hey Heebongie,” he smiled, throwing away his used make_up wipes and taking a swig of water from his water bottle. His hyung was casually dressed and it was likely any average passer-by would simply assume he was a normal person and not an internationally-known idol. Heechul simply kicked off his slippers and made himself at home on the couch in the dressing room before smiling at Jongwoon. “You did really well, Woon-ah. Surprised you chose to sing Confession though,” he said while raising his eyebrows with a smug grin on his face. Jongwoon felt his face heat up. He had chosen to swap ‘Your Echo’ for ‘Confession’, choosing to end the last day of his concert on a happier note. While he knew that Heechul would bring up the incident, he couldn’t mentally prepare himself for his hyung’s teasing. Heechul was one of the few people, besides his family and close friends, who was well aware of his crush. “Alsoooo,” Heechul smirked, dragging the ‘o’, “I noticed you stood in front of a certain someone for quite a long period of time.”

His turned away from his hyung’s cheeky smirk before he half-heartedly flipped his middle finger to Heechul while his left hand attempted to physically contain the warmth in his cheeks. Being the evil hyung he is, Heechul only cackled in response. The teasing was nothing new at this point but it seems Jongwoon still hadn’t got used to it, despite after 6 years of knowing him. “I was just kidding. Besides, they’ll probably think you were just giving your most famous fansite more opportunities to take good photos. What’s his name? Something-woon or whatever. The one that’s been with you since pre-debut,” Heechul hummed, scrolling through the messages on his phone. Jongwoon just sighed before unbuttoning his white shirt and throwing on his hoodie. It wasn’t a lie but there was another reason for why he stood in front of kyuwoon-nim. 

His real reason was to at least give him acknowledgement for everything that he had given to Jongwoon. He’d seen kyuwoon-nim at almost every concert and every event, sometimes with his camera cradled in his hands and sometimes with his lightstick, cheering him on. He was always there. Jongwoon always noticed him, with his tall height, cute yet unruly brown hair and black mouth mask. However, the only problem was that he never went to fan interaction events, fansigns or fanmeets. Hell, Jongwoon never even saw him at the café. So he never had any opportunities to speak to him or thank him for supporting him. He’d always wished he could at least meet him at the café. The thing is, he knew that kyuwoon-nim regularly went to Mouse Rabbit because Jongjin had frequently seen him and regularly sent photos of him with ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) emoji. He could recognise him with his eyes closed given how regularly he saw him. Jongwoon had mastered the act of spotting kyuwoon-nim from crowds after always having to find him and his lens for concerts. 

“Are you done thinking about him? My stomach is growling,” Heechul drawled, sprawled out on the sofa in his red track suit. Jongwoon groaned in annoyance before huffing a curse, “Fuck off, hyung. Let me just change my pants and we can go.” As he changed into his sweats, Heechul gracefully slid off the sofa and combed through Jongwoon’s hair with his fingers. “I’m going to say this, and don’t take this the wrong way, but please be careful. I love you a lot and I really don’t want you to get hurt,” Jongwoon froze at how serious Heechul’s tone was. A small smile graced his face when he remembered that despite how annoying and vulgar his hyung could be, he was still a sweetheart who deeply cared for his dongsaengs. Jongwoon ruffled his hyung’s hair, eyes crinkling in a wide smile. “Aww hyung, I always knew you cared,” Jongwoon cooed, ignoring the peeved glint shining in his hyung’s huge eyes. Suddenly, Heechul whacked him causing Jongwoon to cackle, pleased that he managed to get back at his hyung for teasing him. His smile faded for a mere second, understanding the implication behind his hyung's words, before he grinned sunnily. “Come on, hyung. Let’s go and eat.” 

Jongwoon strolled beside Heechul in a comfortable silence, smiling to the few clouds who still had not left the venue. Thankfully, no one asked to take any pictures with him because he could feel the fatigue settling into his bones. The post-concert adrenaline rush was making him walk with a slight bounce in his step. His lips were curled in a small smile and he could feel the excitement surging through his veins. Unfortunately, he could never get used to the way his body would be feeling exhausted and begging him to go to sleep while inside, all he wanted to do was jump around, awake as if he’d drunk four cups of iced Americano. He sighed and cracked his neck. He knew the ache would fully hit him tomorrow. His body had already chosen to cruise on auto-pilot, while his thoughts continued whirring in his head at lightning speed.

\-------

As soon as Heechul opened the front door to his apartment, his senses were overwhelmed with the scent of garlic wafting through the house and the sound of food being stir-fried. Jongwoon gaped at Heechul who only smiled back. “Surprise!” Heechul grinned, walking into his house with a cheeky grin. His train of thought immediately came to a sudden halt as he tried to process what was happening. No way. Jongwoon thought that he was busy with his schedules in China. When Heechul had said he’d serve him a ‘home-cooked meal’, he was only expecting a warm bowl of ramyeon noodles due to his hyung’s lack of cooking skills. While he was having a mental breakdown, he apparently tried to enter Heechul’s house with his shoes on. “Ya, you brat! Take off your shoes!” Heechul yelled at him before walking over to, presumably, the kitchen, where Jongwoon could hear soft murmuring over the intense sounds of food being cooked upon a high flame. 

“Sorry, hyung,” Jongwoon rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly before placing his sneakers on the shoe rack. He strode into the room and headed to the kitchen. The aroma began to grow stronger and Jongwoon smiled widely once he saw a familiar silhouette cooking. “Kyung?” Jongwoon implored, grin pouring into his voice. Warmth filled his chest once Hangeng peeked his head out of the doorway, eyes crinkled. “Thought you’d still be filming in China for that game show.” Hangeng simply chuckled before saying that the show’s filming was cancelled abruptly and that their CEO had given him the week off since he recently finished his 2-month-long comeback promotions.

While Heechul was his hyung and sunbae who had debuted a year before him, Hangeng had debuted in the same year except in the earlier half of the year, around February, a few days after Hangeng’s birthday, while Jongwoon, or Yesung, had debuted in the 2nd half of the year. He had actually met Hangeng in 2002, a year after he had joined Label SJ, when Hangeng was known as the ‘monster trainee’, having beaten 99 other potential trainees and being the only one to pass all 3 of the gruelling auditions that Label SJ had in China. He’d trained with Hangeng and was the second person to meet him. Hangeng had no knowledge of the Korean language or the culture when he first joined. Thankfully, for some reason or another, he was able to communicate with him better once Heechul began teaching him new Korean words and little facts about Korean culture. After a few awkward months of wildly gesticulating and speaking basic Korean, he and Hangeng had become close and had formed a strong friendship. 

“Bongbong-ah, you should’ve let me know that I was gonna third wheel,” Jongwoon teased, only for Hangeng to giggle while Jongwoon dodged Heechul’s smack. “Ya! I told you that hyung was gonna get you a home-cooked meal right? Just be happy Kyung’s cooking and not me. Or you’d be in a corner throwing up because of food poisoning,” Heechul retorted, malice absent from his large eyes. “Chul-ah, you can’t kill Woonie,” Hangeng beamed, eyes twinkling mischievously, “He still has to start dating his fansite.” Jongwoon’s cheeks flushed automatically and he groaned at the teasing lilt present in Hangeng’s voice. “Kyuuung, not you toooooo,” Jongwoon held his head in his hands as the two cackled.

The three continued to playfully bicker, as Hangeng continued to cook their very late dinner. Playful jokes were thrown before Hangeng cried that he couldn’t concentrate and politely kicked the two out of the kitchen. Jongwoon chortled before strolling out, making a disgusted groan when Heechul pressed a peck to Hangeng’s cheek. Heechul rolled his eyes pointedly at Jongwoon before teasing him playfully, “Jealous? Don’t worry, once you start dating fansite-nim, you’ll be getting a lot more than that." Heechul full-on leered at him as Jongwoon gaped at him, horrified at the suggestion. “Hyung,” he gasped, somehow still shocked at how vulgar and crude his hyung could be despite having known him for 8 years. Heechul laughed uproariously, before simply shrugging and saying that he wasn’t lying. 

Jongwoon sighed and plopped down onto one of the crimson chairs of his hyung’s dinner table. He could never understand his hyung’s obsession with the colour red that almost every piece of furniture in the house and every article of clothing was a shade of red. Out of nowhere, Heebum pounced onto the dining table, purring low in its throat as he eyed Jongwoon. Heebum eyed him judgementally before haughtily turning to curl into Heechul’s lap. “See, even Heebum finds you pathetic,” Heechul drawled, cradling his fingers delicately through Heebum’s fur. Jongwoon groaned, “I hate you.” “Love you too, darling,” Heechul chuckled back, seemingly nonchalant to Jongwoon’s predicament. 

All Jongwoon could do was sigh. The after-concert adrenaline rush was starting to dissipate, being replaced by exhaustion and hunger. Shit, he was hungry. It was near 11.30pm and the last time he ate was around 2pm before he had to get ready for the concert. “Kyung, you finished cooking?” Jongwoon asked, internally praying that Hangeng would be done cooking soon. Hangeng poked his head out and shook his head before quickly saying that he needed ‘just 5 more minutes’, before continuing to cook their dinner. Jongwoon simply sighed and pouted. He fished out his phone and opened his twitter, hoping to find fancams of his concert or at least preview pictures. “Damn, Clouds are fast,” Heechul whistled lowly, apparently also scrolling through his Twitter feed. 

**큐운 ꒰•ᴗ•꒱** @kyuwoon0824  
previews will be up tmr!  
**1.5k retweets, 5k likes**

 **SayBae | (◕‿◕)♡** @sayybaee  
Yay! Yesung was amazing!! Gonna upload full fancams this week 😊 will post short clips tdy  
**1.4k retweets, 4.2k likes**

 **Cloud9 | 유유** @CloudYoo_9  
❤☁ preview shots will be posted soon. thanks for waiting lovelies 😘  
**1.4k retweets, 4.1 likes**

 **SUNNYDAY / 데이지** @sunnydaysy  
aaaahhh oppa good work tdy :) a few fancams hv been uploaded, links in thread  
**1.2k retweets, 4k likes**

Jongwoon smiled softly seeing so many of his clouds telling him ‘good work today, oppa’ and to ‘rest well’ and ‘not sleep too late’. His clouds were always so thoughtful and always looked out for him. It was almost as if they cared more for his health than he did. His eyes lingered on the tweet from kyuwoon-nim slightly longer than the other tweets. kyuwoon-nim was always extremely fast, usually uploading photos several hours after the concert and all his photos were of high quality. Jongwoon was aware of most of his fansites and frequently made sure to check for the photos after events and concerts. 

He continued to scroll before his eyes widened almost comically and he covered his mouth in a surge of pure shock. Oh fuck. How did he forget? Usually, his private twitter feed was only filled with his fansites updates, clouds tweeting about the concert and the odd tweet from his brother or his friends. However, today, it seemed there was something else that had equally caught clouds attention. Multiple tweets on his feed were all dedicated to kyuwoon-nim, in all languages, primarily Korean and English. Jongwoon was happily surprised to see some clouds even write short paragraphs for him, wishing him _‘happy birthday’_ and thanking him for giving international clouds opportunities to see Jongwoon on stage and translating his SNS posts. Despite the fact that Jongwoon frequently tried to post in English and Japanese, instead of only posting in Korean, for international clouds, he most of the time lacked the vocabulary and proper grammar and either ended up using Naver’s translator or posting in Korean. As of such, he was forever thankful that there are clouds who were able to relay his thoughts to international clouds.

Besides making Jongwoon feel all soft and sappy, he had a sudden realisation that this was an opportunity for Jongwoon to do something he’s wanted to for years. He never built the courage to do it and usually chickened out, unsure if his other fansites would see it as a form of favouritism. It makes him feel afraid, heavily aware of stories of other idols who seemed to favour a certain fansite over others which led to jealousy and feuding between fansites. He’d heard the stories from seniors and juniors alike and didn’t want any conflict among clouds. He logged in to his official Twitter, which had about 100,000 times the number of followers his private one had. Heaving a deep breath, his finger hovered over his phone’s screen, unsure whether he wishes to publicly acknowledge his fansite and take the risk of causing conflict among clouds. Frustration filled his chest, causing him to exhale a low groan. 

“I can literally feel you spiralling,” Jongwoon audibly sighed. He really didn’t need Heechul’s commentary on how pathetic he was. “Alright, Yessex, are you ok and who do I have to kill?” Heechul asked, concern evident in his voice. Jongwoon honestly was about to wear his brain out, overthinking about what Heechul would simply call a _‘trivial matter that did not require him using his whole brain to think of every possible outcome, you dumbass’_ , and while his hyung was extremely out-spoken and crude, he had a heart and usually gave Jongwoon greater insight over his problems and gave him better solutions that hadn’t even crossed Jongwoon’s mind. As such, choosing to ignore the uneasiness settling in his chest, he turned to Heechul and explained the issue.

As he confided in Heechul, Hangeng walked out of the kitchen. “I’m done. Can you help me carry the rest of the food out?” Hangeng asked, wiping off the perspiration on his forehead. Jongwoon abruptly stopped explaining as the two went to help him. Jongwoon decided to wait until they were all eating, so he could get both Hangeng and Heechul’s opinion. The thought almost slipped his mind completely as he salivated at the multitude of dishes Hangeng had cooked. Hangeng frowned deeply once Heechul took the Beijing fried rice for himself before scolding Heechul in perfect Korean. Of course, Hangeng would be the most fluent in Korean swear words, Heechul was his Korean teacher after all. Jongwoon could only cackle as Hangeng began to nag at Heechul, scolding him because he apparently cooked the fried rice for Jongwoon. 

“Kyung, its fine,” Jongwoon managed to wheeze between fits of laughter, “Let Heebongie have the rice. You’ve cooked a lot and I can eat the rest.” Hangeng pouted in reply before side-eyeing Heechul with an angry glare. Not at all intimidating, since he looked like an angry puppy. He’d seen Hangeng angry before, it still gave him chills when he thought about it, so he definitely knew that he wasn’t that mad at Heechul. Heechul looked up back at him, using his ‘puppy-dog eyes’, attempting to diffuse the slight wrath in his boyfriend’s eyes. Jongwoon inwardly gasped, watching as any remaining feelings of anger melt out of his eyes and his shoulders sagged. “Kyung, I love you, but you’re pathetic.”

Hangeng simply rolled his eyes and his eyes lit up with mischief, “At least I’m not still pining for my fansite.” Jongwoon protested, face heating up because, while he hated to admit it, Hangeng had a point. Hangeng was the one with a stable, happy relationship while he was the one pining for someone unreachable like the sappy romantic he is. Heechul shoved a spoonful of the fried rice into his mouth and the trio began to comfortably converse and eat. “Oh, Woon-ah, tell us about that thing again,” Heechul suddenly remarked, causing Jongwoon to choke on his food, Hangeng immediate reaching over to thump his hand on his back. Once Jongwoon had gotten over the shock and had successfully calmed down, he slumped back into his chair and began retelling his predicament.

“Hmm…” Heechul hummed, Hangeng’s jaw set tight, deep in thought. Jongwoon took a shaky breath, feeling a wave of relief wash over him since the burden had finally been lifted off his shoulders. A few seconds of silence had passed before Heechul suddenly broke it. “To be honest, I don’t think it’s an issue,” Heechul started, cheeky glint in his eyes gone, “He’s been with you since pre-debut and most of your fans are aware of this, so it’s almost expected for you to be biased towards him. Besides, you practically already are,” Heechul smirked. Before Jongwoon could even ask what he meant, Heechul simply rolled his eyes. “Need I remind you that you literally just rapped your love confession to him a few hours before?” Jongwoon flushed a bright red, memories of him rapping directly to kyuwoon-nim speeding through his brain. Confession was a song from his debut album and many clouds loved whenever he sang it. However, today, it was meant for a specific person’s ears only. 

_I want to hold your hand and walk with you_  
_Every day feels like a dream_  
_As we get closer together_

It was something that Jongwoon could only dream of, holding hands with kyuwoon-nim and going on dates. Every day of his has always felt like a dream, from pre-debut, and majorly, due to kyuwoon-nim. Being noticed even before he had debuted was a privilege not many idols or celebrities could relate to. He was one of the lucky ones. To this day, he could vividly remember seeing a news article about how he was ‘Label SJ’s Monster Rookie’, having a fansite even before he had debut and that he was allowed to sing at his sunbae’s concert despite being a regular trainee. Even then, kyuwoon-nim was in the audience, digital camera aimed firmly at him despite the fact that every other fansite had been there for Heechul.

“Woon?” Jongwoon snapped out of his thoughts, seeing Hangeng wave his hand back-and-forth in front of his face, increasingly concerned. “O-oh! Sorry,” Jongwoon spluttered, catching the knowing look Heechul gave him. Thankfully, his hyung apparently decided to spare him and just continued from where he’d left off. “As I was saying before your sappy ass started thinking about your fansite, I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with publicly noticing him. If anything, he’d really appreciate it since he’s given almost 5 years of his life to you,” Heechul remarked before swallowing more spoonfuls of food. Jongwoon tried to conceal the excitement building in him, and prevent himself from smiling too widely, but it was all for naught as his smile was firmly stuck and probably wasn’t going away any time soon. 

“But Woon, what are you going to post?” Hangeng suddenly spoke, shovelling more food onto Jongwoon’s plate. Jongwoon froze. He hadn’t thought of that. Sure, he had planned to publicly wish him by using his official account but how was he going to go about this? Should he tag him and write a long paragraph? Or maybe he should privately message him? The only thing was he feared that kyuwoon-nim might accidentally think that he had mistakenly sent the message to him and meant to send it to someone else. Shit, he was a mess.

“Stop over-thinking,” Heechul sighed, sounding exasperated, “Why don’t you just post some of his photos and put like the cake emoji or something in the caption? Then like, he won’t think you made a mistake or anything like that.” Jongwoon’s eyes widened in awe and admiration. Heechul was a genius. Suddenly, a thought came to Jongwoon’s mind. “Wait, if I repost them, how does he know it’s his photos?” Unsurprisingly, Heechul rolled his eyes before nagging, “Ya, this is why hyung told you to sleep more so your brain would actually be functional after your concerts. Every fansite has a watermark, so obviously, your beloved fansite’s photos would have his watermark.” Jongwoon mentally slapped himself. How could he be so stupid? Fuck, he hoped his brother would never find out about this. He’d never live this down if Jongjin ever found out.

Jongwoon stared at his phone intently, scrolling through the photos he had downloaded from his fansite’s twitter. He could faintly hear Hangeng and Heechul bicker as the two cleaned up and chose to pay it no mind. He had more important issues at hand. After about 15 minutes of purposeful scrolling, he finally found the photo he was looking for. It was from the first day of the concert, where Jongwoon had carefully found kyuwoon-nim’s lens and held his hand in the ‘ok!’ sign. The photo was taken during his special stage where he had chosen to dance to his precious dongsaengs’ song. He still regretted choosing to dance to D&E’s ‘Can You Feel It?’ for three days straight considering how horrible of a dancer he is and the fact that he lacked the physical stamina to bounce around on stage and then belt in an emotional ballad for the whole duration of a concert. 

In the photo, Jongwoon was a sweaty ass mess and yet somehow, kyuwoon-nim had managed to make him look better than how he actually looked at that moment. Taking a deep breath, he attempted to calm himself down. He almost dropped his phone at one point, fingers trembling. What if he was making the wrong decision? What if there were articles the next morning? He was only 4 years into his career, he couldn’t risk a scandal. Questions plagued his mind and Jongwoon’s finger hovered over the ‘tweet’ button, hesitant to actually press it. Nothing would be the same for him if he did. But would that really matter to him? He had been seeking an opportunity for so long and now that one was present in front of him, he couldn’t grow some balls and execute it. Ah, fuck it. He decided to follow his heart and ignoring, his conflicting emotions, he pressed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly think Yesung has a private sns where he just stalks ELFs and Clouds HAHA. 
> 
> Again, ask me anyth on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hvnv27) , [twitter](https://twitter.com/onejongwoon) or my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/onejongwoon)
> 
> Off topic but a Japanese idol from NGT48, Yamaguchi Maho, was recently assaulted by 2 men. Their management had said they would do the best to help her but the 2 men were not punished. She even had to apologise for it which shouldn't be happening. I know this is a Suju fic but I beg of you to spare some time to sign the petition to at least make NGTs manager resign. She doesn't deserve this. If you want to know of her situation read @ithebigc tweets https://twitter.com/ithebigc/status/1082919391258267648  
> Thank you so much  
> It seems as I was writing this, AKS has finally taken action and are doing something about it but I would still appreciate if you could contribute to this [petition](https://twitter.com/76do__/status/1083368011380121605%0AHowever,%20I%20would%20still%20appreciate%20if%20you%20could%20contribute%20to%20this%20petition%0Ahttps://www.change.org/p/%E4%BB%8A%E6%9D%91%E6%82%A6%E9%83%8E-ngt48%E3%82%B0%E3%83%AB%E3%83%BC%E3%83%97%E4%BB%8A%E6%9D%91%E6%94%AF%E9%85%8D%E4%BA%BA%E3%81%AE%E8%BE%9E%E8%81%B7%E3%81%A8%E9%81%8B%E5%96%B6%E3%82%B9%E3%82%BF%E3%83%83%E3%83%95%E3%81%AB%E5%85%AC%E5%BC%8F%E3%81%AA%E5%A0%B4%E3%81%A7%E3%81%AE%E8%AC%9D%E7%BD%AA%E3%82%92%E6%B1%82%E3%82%81%E3%81%BE%E3%81%99-4b26c0cf-1898-4dac-8050-12ebdf749333?recruiter=749203717&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_abi.pacific_email_copy_en_us_3.control.pacific_email_copy_en_gb_4.v1.pacific_email_copy_en_us_5.v1.pacific_post_sap_share_gmail_abi.gmail_abi.lightning_2primary_share_options_more.control)

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully, this will be updated quickly HAHA  
> Please look forward to other chapters and have a happy holidays!!


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